Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
