I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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