we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
