White coat. Heels.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
