Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
