Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Randomize
