bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
