And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
