So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
