How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
