Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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