The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
