if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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