4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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