If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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