You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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