I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
