It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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