Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
