hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
