1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
