Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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