how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
