I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
