Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
