You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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