my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
