Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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