my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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