Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
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