is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
