I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
