Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
