you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
