He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
