thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
