Define "chronic" masturbator.
i think i have two assholes
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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