he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
