And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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