mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
