I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
