I'm laying in your front yard are you home
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
