non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
