College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
