just come out here and I will go home with you...
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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