I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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