He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
