Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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