Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
