Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
