you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
