I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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