I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
