I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
