nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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