you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
