I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
