have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
she smelled like a LAN party
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Shame - the story of my life.
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