I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
