just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
