So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
